crack

A good friend is someone
who thinks that you are a
GOOD EGG

even though they know you are
slightly cracked

recharge day

Hi, tomorrow is
Recharge Day...

So recharge my number
If you are one of the following
Type of FRIEND:

Rs10- just friend
Rs100- nice friend
Rs250- sweet friend
Rs1000- true friend

Hurry, limited period offer!

Theory 6

Let us be generous like this :
Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

Theory 5

What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

Theory - 4

A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

Theory 3

Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends

Theory - 2

One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

Theory - 1

A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a SAM Say tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

SMS shortcuts

R -are
ResQMe -rescue me
RMB -ring my bell
RmbaYaMne -remember you're mine
ROTFL -roll on the floor laughing
RU? -are you?
RUOK? -are you okay (ok)
Salt&ILDoIT -say it & I'll do it
SETE -Smiling ear to ear
SIT -stay in touch
SITD -still in the dark
SO -significant other
SOH -sense of humour
SOHF -sense of humour failure
SOME1 -someone
SRy -sorry
StckOnU -stuck on you
StndByYaMan -stand by your man
SvnALMyLuv4U -saving all my love for you
SWALK -sent with a loving kiss
SWG -scientific wild guess
SYS -see you soon
2Hot2Hndle -to hot to handle
TDTU -totally devoted to you
THNQ -thank you
Thx -thanks
Ti2GO -time to go
TIC -tongue in cheek :-p
TkeAChnceOnMe? -take a chance on me?
TLMeImDrmn -tell me I'm dreaming
TMIY -take me I'm yours
TPTB -the powers that be
TTFN -ta ta for now
TTYL8R -talk to you later
TWIMC -to whom it may concern
U -you
UCnDoMgic -you can do magic
UdoSumthn2Me -you do something to me
UR -you are
U+Me=Luv -you + me = love
WAN2 -want to
WAN2TLK? -want to talk
WenCnICUAgn? -when can I see you again?
WER R U? -where are you?
WLUMRyMe? -will you marry me?
WRT -with respect to
WTTW -word to the wise
WUWH -wish you were here
X -kiss
XLNT -excellent
Xoxoxoxo -hugs and kisses
Xclusvly Yas -exclusively yours
Y? -why?
YBS -you'll be sorry

Lill john

Little Johnny asks an expecting woman: "What is in your tummy ?"

"My baby!"

"Do you love him!"

"You betcha!"

"Why did you eat him then?"
Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.

M E

Think Big..
Think Smart..
Think Positive..
Think Beautiful..
Think Great..
I know, That is too much for u, so here is a Shortcut...
Just Think about me..

B 4 Beti

Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi,majaa karungi,khelungi,padhungi shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

cabre

A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad

Biology LAB

Astrologer: U'll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.
Frog: When n where?
Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab

ha ha ha

Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?

Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

Monkey

Have u seen a monkey wrapped in plastic?
No???
Quickly see your driving license.

You and me

You=lovely
You=perfect
You=beautiful
You=amazing
You=sweet
You=cute
You=genius
You=fantastic
You=fabulous
Me=liar

Three things

3 thngs 2 watch:
Beauty
Behavior
Action
3 thngs 2control:
Tongue
Temper
Temptation
3 thngs 2Luv:
Purity
Honesty
HardWork
Send it to 3 lazy people as I did.

xtreeeeeeemely cute

What do I do when I c sumone xtreeeeeeemely cute??
I stare
n
stare
n
stare
&
I smile
&
smile
& when I get tired, i'll put d mirror down...!

Definition of wife

Definition of "wife": Someone who'll stand by you through all the troubles which you wouldn't have had if you had stayed single... :-)

Hi friend

Days are 2 busy
Hours are 2 Fast
Seconds are 2 Few

But there's always
TIME for ME
2 disturb YOU.

I C U

When I C the moon I C U
When I C the star I C U
When I C the sea I C U

get out of the way U R
always blocking my view...

U r a bomb

Best pick up line 2 appraoch a gal,

Go 2 her and ask "is your dad a terrorist", She'll say "wat - ?"

Then us ay "No no i asked coz u r such a Bomb..."

Respect your mates

Be quiet in the class room and respect others
as they sleep.

God is here

GODISNOWHERE

This can b read as
"GOD IS NO WHERE"

or as

"GOD IS NOW HERE"

everything in life depends
on how u look at them,
Always think positive..

Pretty woman

A man who needs pretty nurse must be patient..

FREE

if our constitution allows us
free speech,

then why are Phone Bills there?

Height of Emotion

What is the height of Mixed emotion?

Wen U R Mother-in-law falls from 7th-floor
on U R Mercedez..

Mosquitoes..

Que : R mosquitoes religious?

*
*
*
*
*
Ans: Yes! dey first sing over U
N then Prey on U!!

RED

why do the number of traffic
accidents increase with blond
gals on april first??

when the traffic light is RED
They think its a joke

Concentrate !

why did the blonde stare
at the orange cans??

Because it said Concentrate

sign here

At the bottom of the application
where it says "sign here"
shet put Sagitarrus

Blonde AM radio

Did u hear about the blonde
that got an AM radio?

It took her months to figure
out she could use it night!

Nutsssss

Luk at the world as 1 big
chocolate cake. It would
never b complete without
few Sweets and Nuts.

Sweet like ME and NUT like U

LAUF

I wnt U 2 know dat our
friendship means a mot 2 me..

U cry I cry U laug I lauf,
U junp out of window...
I look down and den... I lauf again..

My friend..

My friend, the best quality
that I like about u is that,
U R very sentimental........
1o% senti and 90% Mental

Friendship..msg

Stars have 5 ends
Squares have 4 ends,
triangles have 3 ends
lines have 2 ends,
life has 1 end,
but i hope our
friendship has no end...

Desi SMS

Boss: Where are u born?
Sardar: Punjab..

Boss: Which part?
Sardar: Abe whole body was born in punjab.

Smart Kids

chinto gets O marks in exams,
Father asks him wat is it?

Chinto replies: Teacher ke pass STAR
khatam ho aye to PLANET dene shuru kar diye!!

Never mind...

gALILEO : GR8 MIND,
eINSTEIN: gENIUS mIND,
nEWTON : xTRAORDINARY MIND
bILLgATES: BRILLIANT MIND
mE: mASTER MIND

u : nEVER MIND

.......

hI

Heartbeats are countless,
Spirits are ageless
dreams are endless,

memories are timeless,
a friend like you is shameless....
.

.
.
.
.
..
OOPS! SORRY PRICELESS...

Me - I'm

Think BIG

Think Postitive

Think Smart

Think Beautiful

Think Great

I know, that is too much for you,
so here is a short-cut..
JUST THINK ABOUT ME!

Ten things I know about YOU..

1. U r very intelligent
person with a wonderful
brain..

2.


3.


4.


5.


6.


7.


8.



9.



10.. One day one lie only !!!

Friendship.

To love with out condition,
to talk with out intention,
to give without reason and
to take care without exception

is the heart of a true FRIEND!

fate vs stupidity

if ur father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if ur father-in-law is
a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

Older- the better

Never abandon old friends..
They r hard to replace.

A friendship is like wine..
it gets better as it grows

Older just like us...
I get Better, U get older..

Joke of the day

I have lots of jokes in my Inbox,
but i can't send U all of them.

It will take a lot of time...
so i 'm sending U just 1 Joke..

"U r very Smart.."

7 wonders of the world

Guess what..

7 th me,
6 the My style
5 th my smile
4 th my personality
3 rd my nature
2 nd my sms and
1 st My friends....

How are you?

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body,
such a brain, sweet Lips, Nice Smile

but thats enough about me,
tell me how you are?

God is great

U look at the Ocean..
U c God's Abundance,

U look at da sky,
U c God's wonder,

U look at da Moon,
U c God's glory

N wen U look at da Mirror,
U c God's BLUNDER!

Believe it or not

U r the one... who is so Smart,
U r the one... who is so Charming,
U r the one... who is so Caring,
U r the one... who is so Good Looking

and I am the one who is
Spreading these rumours...

F'SHIP

Sweet fruits r nice to eat..
Sweet words r nice to say..
But sweet people r really
hard 2 find.. My goodness,
How da hell did u manage 2 find me!

He he..My friend

Mistakes are not crime....
if you correct them,
they are the key to success!


FOR EXAMPLE, God created you .....
He then created me!

Smart Pupil

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler had commited suicide

S M I L E

SMILE - is a language of love

SMILE - is a source to win hearts...

SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality

SO....Brush ur Teeth today onwards

!wow!

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
change it to exclamatory sentence.......

...Student : WOW !

I will never drink

I had VODKA with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I had WHISKY with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I had RUM with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

Chain Smokers

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire.....
continues with smoke.....
and ends in ashes...

But dont worry - we are chain smokers.....

24 * 7 I think of You

Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......

Open ur eyes !

Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool............

I - specialist

When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,

come along with mei'll take u to an eye specialist !!

My Love

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm

My feelings for u have never changed

.......u....R....always....a HEADACHE to me !!!!

Mere Yaad ne aaye Jaan

meri yaad aye: yaad karo
Zyada aye : sms Karo.
Ussey zyada aye : phone karo
Ussey bhi zyada aye to millo
ager ussey bhi zyada aaye to

..plz jhoot bolna band karo

sms

We

sms

each other

because



You

think

I am

Nice



I

think

You are

Nice



You

think

I am

Cool



I

think

You are

Cool





You

think

I am

Smart…



I

think

You are

Right…

some facts

Fact1: You can not touch your lower lip with your tounge...






Fact2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it..

Choo Sweet

If people says you are crazy,
be in -patience.

If they say you are monkey,
relax.

If they say you are stupid,
be cool ...

But if they say you are smart,
Thapad maar sale ko.

B4Bitch

U are a...

B. I. T. C. H.

Beautiful

Intelligent

Talented

Cute

Horny

r u smiling now?

*YOU BITCH*

Hug and Hug

True love is like an pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble,
you can cry when you are in pain & u can embrace when you are happy.
So when u need true love spend 100 bucks and buy a pillow.

Attendence

Attendence..
Pappu
Yes sir

Bablu
Yes Sir


Tinku
Yes Sir

Ullu

??

Ullu

??

Ullu

??

Button dabana band kar, Tere baare hai,
Attendence lagwa..

Your age please..

Scientists all over the world
r wondering how long a human
being can live without a Brain.
kindly tell them your age :-)

Monkey

A baby monkey asks his father,
Father why r we so ugly?

The father says to him,
don't stress my son u should
see the one who is reading this!!!

Hydrogen

Two HYDROGEN atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my ELECTRON."

The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm Positive.

Woman- many forms

What do u call a woman in heaven?
an Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven?
a host of Angels..

and all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

Mother and In-law

God thought that since he couldn't
b everywhere he made MOTHER.
Then Devil thought that he couldn't
b everywhere he made MOTHER-IN-LAW.

Best selling Book

Teacher: what should be in a book
to make it a best-seller?

Johny: A girl on the cover
and no cover on the girl.

Marraige

m getting married next month....

It's small party and
Only a few people will be invited

Dont bring any gift
Just bring someone

*
*

WHO'LL MARRY
me!

~When a Computer Programmer watches too much of BOLLYWOOD Movie~

# Local variable
Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon,
pal do pal meri kahani hai
pal do pal meri hasti hai...

# Global variable
Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon
har ik pal meri kahani hai
har ik pal meri hasti hai

# Null pointers
Mera jeevan kora kagaz
kora hi reh gaya.

# Dangling pointers
Maut bhi aati nahin
jaan bhi jati nahin.

# Goto
Ajeeb dastan hai yeh
Kahan shuru kahan khatam
Ye manzilen hain kaun si
Na woh samajh sake na hum

# Two Recursive functions calling each other
Mujhe kuchh kehna hein
mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein
Pehle tum, pehle tum.

# The debugger
Jab koi baat bigad jaye
Jab koi mushkil pad jaye
Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz.

# From VC++ to VB
Yeh haseen vaadiyan
Yeh khula asmaan
Aa gaye hum kahan.

# Untrackable bug
Aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se.

# Unexpected bug (esp during presentation to client)
Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua.

# And then to the client
Jab hua, Tab hua,

Any one can love a Rose

It's ordinary to love d marvellous
But it's marvellous to love d ordinary

Bcoz anyone can love a rose
But it takes a great deal to love a leaf

Rapidex.

When WORDS are not enough,
To EXPRESS your feelings...

Don't think, don't imagine, don't feel

*
*


That you are in LOVE

My buddy, you just need to
Join an ENGLISH SPEAKING COURSE...

:-)

Increase its size
Stretch it more
exercise it more
Bigger the better
B'coz nothing looks better
on ur face that that NAUTY SMILE


WHAT DID U THINK?

Virus

Women are like net Virus:

They ENTER U R Life
SCAN U R Pockets
TRANSFER money
EDIT U R mind
DOWNLOAD their problems
DELETE u r smile & HANG U Ever.

auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am- 11am

God is God

When GOD thought that
He could not be everywhere
At all times, he created
FRIENDS...

When DEVIL thought that
He could not be everywhere
At all times, he created

*
*

GIRLFRIENDS!!

Table kaun saaf karega??

I like three things...

1*Mc Veggie Burger
2*Ice Tea
3*You

Burger to eat

Ice Tea to drink

You to...

*
*

Oh Hello!
Table kaun saaf karega??

Shaadi

Shaadi se pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Venkat Ka Photos

Reactions of girls when they loose their purse:

*Poor girls-my money!
*Rich girls-my debit cards!
*BEAUTIFUL girls-ooi ma Venkat ki photos thi!

.........:-)

aaj bhi yaad hai

Mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai
woh pehli mulaqat
woh platform no2 par gaadi ka rukna
woh khidki ka khulna
woh nazron ka milna
aur tumhara mujhse kehna-
"1 rupya dedo baba!"

Salaam Namasthe

To live a life
one needs brain, reflex, perception,
IQ, knowledge, way of expression
and many more qualities.

Aapko salaam Boss
U R doing great even without them!

Height of Optimism

Soldier: "sir, we are surrounded by the enemies..."

Major:- "Excellent we can now attack in any direction."

sign of remembrance...

Every tear is a sign of brokerness
Every silence is a loneliness
Every smile is a sign of kindness
Every SMS

*
*

is a sign of remembrance...

HEIGHT of technical thinking...

A software guy falling
From the roof of a building
And shouting

F1

F1

F1!
Instead of

HELP

HELP

HELP!

~Read slowly~

Read sl.ow.ly

u r queue tea
love lee
grey ate
on nest
at track thief
cheer fool
soup arbe

And my
bessst frnd

House dat!

sorry its Urgent

Sorry for the disturbance
But the matter is very urgent...

*
*

Ravana has kidnapped Sita
So we need hundred

*
*

Monkeys for immediate deputation
Turant niklo!!

*FRIENDSHIP *

2 GOLDEN PHRASES OF FRIENDSHIP

* dont believe the doubted ONE
* dont doubt the the believed ONE

Free cut

Dr marji ke peeche baag raha thaa...
Logo ne poocha kya hua..?

Dr Bola ki 4baar aisa huaa..saala nasbandhi
karvane aata hai aur baal saaf karva kar
baag jata hai..

Luv - Frndship

Difference between love and friendship..

U give U R whole heart to U R luv,
& they break it!

But

U give U R Broken heart to your friend
& they make it!!

Sardar again!

Sardar enters a shop & shouts where is my free gift
with this mineral water?

Salesman:-
Is ke sath KOI gift nahi hein..
Sardar:- Oye, IspeLika Hai, Bacteria FREE

ATTITUDE

Don't walk as if u rule the world,
Walk as if you don't care who rules teh world...
That's called ATTITUDE

Love

we may MEET
we may SCATTER
if hearts r TOGETHER
distances don't MATTER...

SWEET HEART

Smokers have a smoking heart
Drinkers have an alcoholic heart
I request you dont eat sugar...
bcoz you already have a
SWEET HEART

KISS

Kiss is not like Nokia
Connecting People

Kiss is not like Nike
Just Do It

Kiss is not like Pepsi
Yeh Dil Maange More

Kiss is like Pan Parag

*
*

EK SE MERA KYA HOGA!?

Your Photo

Last night i was restless
I couldn't sleep

I took a photo of yours and
Kept it besides my bed
And believe me
It worked

-
-
-
-
-
-

Saare machchar bhaag gaye.
It's TRUE

Choo.. Sweet!

Hi! can you tell me your ingredients?
coz, i hav mixed 100 kgs of sugar,
100 kgs of chocolate n 100 kgs of Honey..But still
I couldnt make a person as sweet as u.

Offer closes soon

Free Breakfast
Free Lunch
Free Dinner
Free stay and
Free Pickup!
don't miss this chance..

Just Dial 100 and say, Ullu Ke patte..

Hurry, offer closes soon.....

SardarJi

Gang of sardars broke a bank, but instead of cash
they found bottles full of chilled redWine.

Happily de drank, and left, Nxt days headline
'Blud BANK LOOTED'

De(a)er

A man kills a deer, cooks it and doznt tell kids what is it..
He gives a clue.. "Its wat your mom calls me!"..
son screams: Dont eat it's an AssHole.

~Boys are Boys~

Boy : - I can kiss you without even touching you.
Gal :- U cannot.
Boy :- Lagi 50rs ki bet.
Gal:- Ok.

Boy kisses her tightly.
Girl :- U touched.
Boy :- Ye le 50 rs.

Boss are .....

All body parts were fighting to be Boss.

ASS went on strike and system jammed,
So they made ASS the BOSS.

MORAL:- Any AssHole can be Your BOSS

stupid Questions wid Smart Answers

Boy : May I hold your hand?
Gal : No Thnx, It isn't Heavy.

Boy : Say U luv me!
Gal : U luv me.

Boy : If V bcme engaged, will U give me a ring?
Gal : Sure.. wat's u r ph number?

Boy : Darling, I want to dance like this for ever.
Gal : Don't u ever wanna improve?

$$Gud Morning**

5 steps 4 a luvl morn.
#Get up, 3Close ur eyes,#tke a
deep breth,# Feel ur heart bt,#opn
ur arms wide & say, Its 2 erly, Let me
sleep again. Gud Morning

~My friend~

Qualities a frnd must have
Cute as a crocodile..
smart as Donkey
Active as turtle..
Fit as Hippo
Matured as Monkey..
Sincerity like Dog...

No doubt you are my good friend.

face and ass

I had 2 dogs, one was named face and the other was named ass..
i gave face to u on ur b;day.. one day, face died in an accident.. I was so sad
..cos whenever I looked at my ass..it reminded me of ur face..if face
hadn't died ur face would be as big as my ass

genius

Talking once to a genius is is equal to the knowledge of
reading books for one month...
is a Chinese proverb..

...so feel free to talkto me anytime....

Grand friends!

In years our faces will wrinkle, eyes may droop,
hair may becum brittle but still i'll be there 2 listen
n 2 lauth..... v will b Grand friends!!

Good looks

Good looks catch eyes, but good pesonality catch Hearts.
You are blessed with Both. Dont be too happy.. it was sent to me
and I want you to read it..~!

accidents

Children playing outside cars can cause accidents..

but adults playing inside cars can cause children by accidents..

BOSS

A small monkey came 2 me & said i wanted to trouble some
good people. I suggested ur name, it slapped me and replied -
'V dont play with our BOSS'

my friend is a *

Today having a Phone without wire is a fashion..
one day willcome when human without brain will be a fashion..

on that day, my Friend U will be a STAR